It's been a little over a month since my last blog. For my regular readers, I'm sorry for the delay (I normally try to write one about every two weeks or so), but to say life has been interesting in this past month would be an understatement!
Some of you know that as I type this, I'm home recovering from foot reconstructive surgery on my left foot. Surgery was on June 5. I made the decision to go ahead and have the surgery about the time of my last blog near the end of April. Stress and worry have plagued me as the enemy has tried to attack both Michelle and I with not only our emotions, but our pursuits of our personal business successes as well.
Add to that the fact that a pastor that I served under in the recent past lost his job because of moral reasons. Now understand, this was a man that had abused me and every other member of his staff, had abused church members seeking to only have relationships with "friends" if he gained something from it, and had left hundreds of people in his wake! It was two years and two months of hell on earth and the worst season of 24 years of worship ministry! I had been praying ever since I left that God would intervene there, and He did.
For years I had carried anger and maybe even some forms of hatred toward this man. The very sight of anything that reminded me of him would stir those emotions deep within me! But then, I get this news. And after jumping up and down in my living room for about 20 minutes, which I had to repent of immediately after, God gave me a very sobering thought. See, I've been where he is now. I know the sting of coming face to face with my sin and the hurt that it caused to loved ones and the body of Christ. At that moment, a page turned and I was able to not only forgive him, but almost become a crusader for his restoration. His sin (as far as I know and based on my experience) was now in the past where my Father is concerned, thus it should be with me. Repentance sought. Forgiveness given. Grace in motion.
We all have a past. Technically speaking, you started reading this blog in the past. Every split second takes us further into the future and leaves a string of moments in its wake. For many of us, we have a past we're not proud of. The past consists of scenes that flash through our minds on a daily basis playing a film in high definition reminding us of our weakest moments, our times of which we are most ashamed, or seasons of searing hurt. For some of us, years separate the present from those moments. For others, only minutes. Some of you may find yourselves reading this in a desperate cry for hope because you're in one of those times right now!
Pasts are like fires. You can run or try to pull away from the sting when you feel it, but it's already on you, burning you. By the time you recognize the pain, the mistake is made. You can't take it back. You're on fire now. And the fire uses your mind and body for fuel. As long as there's a part of you left, it seems it will never stop. And if you do get the flames put out, you stand back up only to realize you don't look like you did "before." Your past has marked you. Grossly.
I remember looking in the mirror and not liking what I'd become. I remember the days begging God to take me out; to just kill me! I didn't want the suffering and pain and worst of all, I didn't want to see it in the faces of those for which I cared. And these things brought me face to face with that emotion that you always hear said, but until you've experienced it for yourself, you may think it to be hogwash: The hardest person to forgive is yourself. You think of yourself as a monster! Hope has faded as a single drop of water into a raging inferno.
But in that season of tremendous loss, God reminded me of something in His word about which I had written a song years earlier. Click on the following reference link to read Isaiah 43:1-3. It's not an "if," but "when" we walk through fire and deep water. And the deformity that we saw when we looked in the mirror is nothing more than seeing our sin in the light. However, we ARE NOT defined by our sin! Let me say that again, we ARE NOT defined by our sin! Make it personal and read this out loud: I AM NOT defined by my sin! If you are in Christ, a child of God is who you are. Again from Isaiah, "I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine."
Click here and read the story of the Prodigal Son. Jesus uses this illustration to give us a glimpse of the Father's heart. When the lost son was out doing his own thing, did the father get angry? Did he cut him out of the will? Did he renounce him from the family? No. He sat. Waiting. Knowing. One day, his son would be coming down the road back home. And the father wanted to be there to see him coming when the event came into play. Not to say, "I told you so," but to run and wrap his lost son in his arms and welcome him home! That's grace. That's what happened to me. The son's past was IMMEDIATELY just...passed. It was no longer relevant to the father.
Scripture says that upon repentance, God separates our sin as far away from Him as the east from the west. It says that our sin becomes white as snow when washed under the blood of Christ. That means that there is HOPE for us all! Thanks be to God, there's HOPE!!! There may be darkness for a time. But it doesn't last! Read here what the Bible says: 1 Peter 5:10.
Now let me take a moment to talk to the "saints" reading this. You may know someone who has fallen. Their sin may scare you. Really, it may damage your good standing in the community if you are seen associating with the likes of such sinners. They have damaged the name of Christ and the work of the church. The need to see if they are truly repentant wells up inside you because of those verses you've read about "wolves in sheep's clothing!" There's danger in the camp and you need to be the one to rid those you care about of that danger! Read this passage: Galatians 6:1-3.
Still think that way? Remember the pastor I mentioned earlier in this blog? I remember sitting in church and listening to one of his messages when he said, "Show me a man who's always talking about grace, and I'll show you a man who's looking to minimize or seek an excuse for his sin." I wonder if that's what he still believes? He now has a "past." One of those that have burned him like fire.
And remember how I said that I have almost become a crusader for his restoration? I haven't done that to earn a merit badge from Jesus! As a matter of fact, that could only happen because I had been - have been - the recipient of grace. It is impossible to give what you have never received. If you've never come to fact with the weight of your own sin and the fact that just yours would have still cost Jesus His life, then how can you expect to give it to anyone else? You can't. Impossible.
My pastor's poor statement was made with the thought that grace is an excuse to sin. That grace follows repentance. That grace is earned based on some sort of demonstration by the sinner. Maybe they haven't cried enough to suit you. Maybe you haven't seen them in the altar. So what?!? Did scripture say to make sure and look for those things, it just said to do it! The heart condition is up to God, not you! The repentance is because of Him, not you. But we are to have His heart. We are to act like the person we are - a child of God.
Grace comes before repentance! Grace begs repentance! It is not an excuse to sin, but the very reason to never sin again! When we become givers of grace because we have first been recipients; when we see others not as a danger to the cause of Christ, but as the HEART of the cause of Christ; when we stop looking for the faults of others because we can't face our own faults and make a bigger deal out of their sin in order to better hide our own, then we become bearers of HOPE!!! And hope is the one thing that every person on this planet needs every single day. Without Jesus, there is none. With Him, there's nothing else.
God told me something in a prayer time when I was being attacked by those who knew details about my past. He said to me, "Son, first know that I love you and am proud of you. Second, know that any time you are reminded of your past, it is never from my voice. It is always the voice of the enemy! How can I remind you of something that has been washed from your record by the blood of my Son and that I have since forgotten?" Grace is here. Your past is passed. Live in freedom of your future.
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